i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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