Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
zippers are such a cool invention
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
