He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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