I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
