remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
