yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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