you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
