Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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