My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
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