I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
