i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
