I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
