a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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