Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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