great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
