im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
