Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
