Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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