none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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