When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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