It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
