I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
