Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i will never coherently bang her
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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