Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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