i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
