God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
