Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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