Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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