Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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