My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
