The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
