You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Green mimosas i think yes
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
