You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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