i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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