Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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