If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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