someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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