She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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