Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
