Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
