I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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