I cannot find my penis.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
