I'm drive I can fine osifer
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
