I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
