Umm I'm too high to move.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
