Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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