is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
