Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
