he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
