she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
