My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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